


Barisi Reunion

by DedicatedDetectives



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M, also mature language, mature for sexual concepts but it isn't explicit, such dramatics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28406649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DedicatedDetectives/pseuds/DedicatedDetectives
Summary: Sonny runs into Rafael a week before the trial-- before knowing he was even in town. Where do he and Rafael stand?
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	Barisi Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Consider this a fix-it and also a preemptive fix-it for whatever they do on Jan. 7. *ducks out of frame*
> 
> It will not be continued; it's already way longer than I intended lmao.
> 
> This is dedicated to our sweet, sweet Sonny and his bottle of Pepto Bismol. Our poor anxious bby. (Who is definitely capable even if he doesn't believe it yet). 
> 
> I do not own these characters; they belong to the lovely SVU writers. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Rafael’s arm was linked with Olivia’s as they approached the precinct, having just finished an important conversation with Fin and Amanda over breakfast in Fin's go-to diner. Amanda and Fin went to stop by Mercy to check on one of their witnesses on their way back. Olivia was eager to hear the progress report on that. But, turning the corner, her focus shifted, seeing Sonny walking towards them, head buried in an open manila folder.

Sonny glanced up and literally stopped short like he hit the brakes. And, apparently, so did his brain. “Rafael.”

“Counselor,” Rafael's voice smiled under his mask, beard visible around the edges. “I’m looking forward to our day in court next week.”

Realization crossed Sonny's eyes for a brief moment before he tucked it away. For once, he was grateful his whole expression wasn't readable. “I’m late. Liv, Rafael. Talk later.”

He began walking toward the elevator, and once the door was almost shut in front of him, Amanda slid in. There was an unlucky masked uni in there, as well.

"Shit," Sonny said under his breath. "Where did you come from?"

"Just got back from Mercy with Fin," Amanda said, unaware of the situation that had just unfolded. "Carlos is.. not doing great."

"Oh, well that's just fucking great," Sonny grumbled.

The elevator stopped one floor down, and the uni silently looked between Sonny and Amanda before practically running out of there.

"Good to know the only witness who may make me have a chance in this trial isn't gonna be there,” Sonny continued once the door shut again.

“Sonny,” Amanda started in what she hoped was a placating tone, " _what_ is going on?" She'd seen Sonny stressed over cases plenty of times before, both as a detective and as the fairly new ADA. He puts his entire heart into everything he takes on. This didn't reflect his heart.

"I might as well drop the charges," Sonny said around a heavy sigh, looking up to the reflective ceiling and locking his hands on the top of his head. "Save us all the trouble of going to trial. Save myself from fucking--" he cut off, sighing again. The elevator door opened, and they started to walk into the lobby, Sonny taking long strides ahead of her. "Embarrassing myself," he seemed to finish.

That was when Amanda put two and two together, and she sighed silently, suppressing a groan. It was too early for this to be happening already. Maybe she should have had a third cup of coffee at the diner.

“Before you freak out, let’s talk about this,” she said, trying to grab onto his shoulder as he strode out onto the sidewalk.

He didn’t turn around to face her, and she paused. He immediately filled the silence.

Once he started, he felt like he couldn’t stop. “Amanda, what the fuck? I can’t go against Rafael! Did you know about this? I didn’t even fucking know he was in town. And then I practically ran straight into him on my way out of the precinct. I was looking for Liv, but gee, I wonder where she was.” He said bitterly.

“Sonny—" Amanda tried to interrupt. 

“You knew about this, didn’t you? And what, you couldn’t give me a heads up?”

“Sonny,” Amanda said a bit louder, trying to cut through his crashing waves of panic. “I learned about it _this_ morning. The second I got back from Mercy, I practically dove into that elevator with you. Why the hell do you think I did that?”

“You could’ve called me when you found out,” Sonny said simply, finally stopping on the sidewalk and looking at her. 

“I went to breakfast with them. I showed up, and Barba was there. I had no warning,” she said. “Olivia and I go to breakfast sometimes. I didn’t know we’d have company this time. Especially not pretentious company who decided to saunter back into all our lives.”

Sonny didn’t answer; he just looked up at the cloudy sky.

“C’mon, Sonny,” Amanda continued, “what was I supposed to do? Call you while in the car with Fin and say, ‘Hey buddy, you-know-who is back in town and you’re about to run into him’ like some type of fucking psychic?”

Sonny put a hand up in surrender. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I just.. feel like I can’t take a full breath.”

Amanda, concerned, looked like she was going to say something, but Sonny didn’t pause long enough for that. 

“I learned everything I know from him, Amanda. I can’t do this. He’s going to destroy me.” Amanda gave him what could only be described as a disappointed look. “I still don’t have my footing after all these months,” Sonny continued, raising a hand to motion for her to not bother. “Don’t waste your breath denying it. I know it, and so do all of you. You can’t trust me with a case yet. I’m sure you saw Liv’s face when I won. She was relieved, because she had been holding her breath in that room for three days while watching me. I’m not good at it, and Rafael’s gonna know it as soon as I open my mouth.”

“You’re underestimating yourself, Sonny!” Amanda said, tone raised, hoping it would help her words get through to him again. “And besides—” 

“You’re just saying that,” Sonny loudly sighed. “I don’t know shit, Amanda, and everything I do know is from him! It’s like I’ve studied him!” He ran a hand through his hair, glancing up again in frustration. “I read his cases when I’m nervous and trying to prepare. I read them and I _miss him_ , Amanda.”

“Hey,” Amanda said sympathetically, reaching out to squeeze his bicep. “You’re okay.”

“Fuck,” Sonny mumbled, moving his arm away from her and turning, head in hands. 

“Sonny, come on, hey,” Amanda gently pushed. “First of all, you do know shit. You know more about vics and cops than he ever will. And he knows it, too. Do you know what he said to me, Liv and Fin? Fin told him to go easy on you.” Sonny rolled his eyes, which looked like they were threatening tears. “And Barba immediately said ‘Carisi can handle himself. I’ve always known he was meant for this.’”

“What?” Sonny asked, turning back towards her.

“Yeah, and I could’ve told you that a whole rant ago if you’d just have let me speak,” Amanda rolled her eyes, trying to lighten the mood. “But now I know you read about him before bed, so thanks for that.”

“Don’t,” Sonny said, tone serious.

“Sonny,” Amanda said gentler, “y’all aren’t working cases together anymore. You could actually.. do something about all this.”  
Sonny shook his head. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m serious,” Amanda countered. “He had a certain look about him when he was defending you.” Sonny just looked at her, skeptical. “Take it for what you will. Some say I have a talent for reading people.”

Sonny rolled his eyes again, but he pulled his buzzing phone out of his pocket and offered a surprised ‘Hi.’ Amanda just looked at him. 

“Uh.. Yeah. I actually just tested negative yesterday,” he said, raising a hand to his forehead anyway. “Um. Sure. I’m free, so just text me a time and address? Okay. Bye.”

“What?” Amanda asked, as Sonny stared at his phone until it went black.

“I guess I have plans tonight,” he said, slipping his phone back into his pocket, “with Rafael.”

\--

“What?”

“He wants me to come to his hotel room tonight for takeout and to talk,” Sonny said plainly. “And you know that because I don’t take fucking forever to get to the important information.” 

Amanda, very aware of how Sonny’s anxiety had spiraled so quickly, decided to take it and not give it back. “To talk,” she said hesitantly. 

“That’s what he said, Amanda.”

“Whoa, okay, dude,” Amanda replied, hands up. Sonny ran a hand through his hair and looked up again, turning slightly in place.

“It’s a good thing,” Sonny said, as if trying to convince himself.

“I think it could be,” Amanda said, silently taking a deep breath and leading Sonny, who was nervously biting his lip, to a nearby bench. “Can I be honest, Sonny?”

He followed suit, turning to look at her as he wiggled a bit before appearing more comfortable. “Sure.”

“Look, I’m only saying this because you’re my friend and I care about you,” she started, and he nodded. “I’m a little worried. How he left hurt you, and it still hurts you, I can tell. And I don’t blame you; you know I agreed it was shitty. But you also still have some feelings for him. You’re all antsy with the trial news, and you’re gonna see him again, be spending time with him.”

“Okay,” Sonny said, slightly wary.

“And your mood just visibly switched after hearing what he said about you. You still—or, it seems like you still—hang on his opinion of you.” 

She paused, waiting to see if Sonny wanted to argue. He didn’t, so she sighed and continued. “All I’m saying is emotions are going to be high, at least for you. And even though I’m all for y’all figuring out.. whatever it was that was going on before he left, I’m just a little worried. I don’t want something to happen that’s gonna make court even rougher on you, you know?”

“Yeah,” Sonny replied noncommittally. 

“I think talking about all that shit will be good for you,” Amanda reassured him. “But maybe just.. guard yourself a little bit until a verdict comes in next week, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Sonny said, giving her half a smile. 

“And text me updates, for fuck’s sake. If you’re back in this mess again, so am I.” 

_That_ got a full smile out of him.

\--

“I want you.”

Rafael breathed hard against Sonny’s neck, trailing kisses down the length of it. “Please,” he continued, somehow pushing Sonny even closer to the wall he was against.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” Sonny replied around a big gulp for air. 

Rafael kissed down Sonny’s torso, following the line where his shirt was buttoned just a few moments ago, until his knees hit the hotel room carpet. His hands were resting on Sonny’s hips over his belt. “Can I continue?” He lowered his hands a few inches, causing Sonny to gasp, despite his fingers not leaving the outside of his thighs. His gasp caught Rafael’s breath in his throat. “Please.”

“Fuck, Rafael,” Sonny moaned. “Fuck. Stop. We—” 

Rafael’s hands dropped quicker than his eyes could shoot up to meet Sonny’s. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Sonny countered, practically heaving. He dropped to his knees, too, grabbing one of Rafael’s hands for emphasis. “Don’t be sorry. I wanted that. I want you. Bad. It’s just..” he trailed off, and Rafael’s eyes narrowed in concern.

“What is it?”

Sonny dropped his hand and fully sat down, head in his hands. “It’s just— We have the trial next week, and I don’t want— I can’t do this if you’re just trying to have fun for the night. Or fuck with my head, distract me or something. I can’t do this if you don’t mean it or if you won’t want it in the morning. I— I know it’s pathetic that I can’t separate the physical from the emotional.. but I just. I can’t do this.” 

It looked like the hurt in his voice caused Rafael’s heart to crack, but Sonny couldn’t see it, hands still on his forehead and elbows on his knees, face flushed.

“Do you—” Rafael’s cleared his throat. “Do you really think I would do this to fuck with your head? To win a case?”

Sonny looked up, head still leaning on one hand. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”

Rafael looked down. “I can’t believe—” he cut himself off. “I would _never_ do that to you. Please believe me.” 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Sonny sighed, pinching right between his eyes, willing off the stress, frustration and tears. 

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Sonny. I must’ve done something to make you think that.” Rafael finally moved to sit back, feeling relief at the ache subsiding in his knees. “Or didn’t do something. Whatever it is, this is on me.”

Sonny felt embarrassed, not to mention appalled at himself for stopping what was about to come. “I’m sorry, okay? I believe you. Let’s just forget about it.”

Rafael was quiet for a moment, thinking. “I don’t know if I can do that,” he then said softly. “I.. really want you to know that I care about you.”

“Do you?” Sonny said firmly, despite the shine of tears in his eyes.

Rafael’s eyes widened. “I— Yes.”

“It didn’t seem like it when you left.”

Rafael sighed, knowing Sonny was justified in his curt reply. “I know. And I’m really, really sorry.”

“You didn’t even bother to say goodbye to me. We spent months together.. working, or whatever the fuck it was when I was spending every day looking forward to getting to your office.” He sighed. “You mentored me, and when I started getting better, I thought you _trusted_ me and maybe even _liked_ me. I thought we were getting closer and that you were opening up to me and that we had _something_ , even if it was just friendship. But I didn’t get so much as a glance before you left. Why? Because I’m not Olivia?”

“Sonny, no, I promise it wasn’t like that,” Rafael pleaded. “It had nothing to do with you.”

“Then what was it like?”

“I—” Rafael gulped. “I couldn’t face you after what I did. I just knew you’d be upset.. or.. disappointed in me.. and I couldn’t do it. My pride got in the way, I guess. I spent so long thinking and thinking about what I was going to say to you, until it was too late and I felt like I couldn’t say anything at all.” 

Sonny wanted to ask why the hell his opinion of or disappointment in Rafael would affect him, but after considering himself in the other man’s shoes, he understood. “I wasn’t upset with you,” Sonny said softly. “I was sad, but not for the reason you think. I was sad because I just _knew_ in my gut that I was about to lose you. And I didn’t think that you cared.”

Rafael met Sonny’s gaze with watery eyes of his own. “Do you want to know what I thought about right after I flipped that switch?” Sonny nodded, shocked at the vulnerability in his voice. “First, I felt relief for that poor child’s mother. That only lasted a second, though, because then I hated myself, wondering where my impulsivity came from. I was on the verge of panic, thinking about the fact that my career was surely over, and possibly even my free life. I thought about my mom. What was she going to do? And I thought about Olivia. And I thought about you. All the potential we had and how I wasted it all away in a second. By that point, I already knew how much I cared about you. I had finally accepted that I was in deep, and I was horrified, thinking about it all. It was so much I— I didn’t even know where to begin.”

“Rafael,” Sonny whispered, moving swiftly over until he had his arms around Rafael’s shoulders, his chin on his shoulder. 

“This isn’t an excuse, Sonny. Because you didn’t know any of that. And that’s because I didn’t tell you any of it. I should’ve went to you, and I am _so_ sorry I didn’t.” Sonny felt Rafael’s chin tuck in even closer to him as he spoke, and he finally let a few tears fall.

“I should’ve set my own anger and self-pity aside and went to _you_ , Rafael. I should’ve guessed how much you’d be struggling.” He felt Rafael shake his head, but he continued. “I was only thinking about myself, which is really fucking stupid, considering how much I’ve thought about you since.”

Rafael pulled back a few inches, and he saw Sonny chuckle through his tears, which brought a smile to his own lips. “Do you hear yourself?” Rafael asked, smile widening despite himself. “You’re— Incredible doesn’t even begin to cover it. Holy shit, Sonny.” He chuckled lightly as he put his hands on Sonny’s cheeks, pulling him into a kiss. Sonny reciprocated, shocked at how deeply he felt for this man once again.

Rafael was the one to pull away, and his tone was serious again. “I didn’t know you were going to be ADA after me,” he said, to which Sonny shrugged and agreed with a noncommittal ‘Yeah, well.’ “I really wish I was there, to help you prepare or calm you down or stand by your side or whatever you needed. God, I wish I got to see you at your first trial.”

“Oh, Lord,” Sonny laughed, ducking his head. “No, you don’t. I was a train wreck at first.”

“You should’ve seen me when I started,” Rafael said. “And if you’re willing, I’d like to hear all about it. Any and every detail you’re willing to give me.”

“I already forgave you, Rafael,” Sonny said. “And you’ve got me hooked again. The flattery isn’t necessary.”

“I’m serious. You’re brilliant, Sonny. You were meant for this, honestly,” Rafael said, genuinely, and Sonny’s pink cheeks accented his smile. “It’s a shame the first time I’ll see you in front of a jury like that is while I’m against you, but you should know I’ll still be supporting you, the whole time. And I want _this_ to continue, too. Before the trial or after it— it doesn’t matter to me— in whatever capacity you’ll give me.”

“Rafael Barba the gentleman, huh? _And_ the defense attorney. Unbelievable.” Sonny smirked before pulling him into a kiss, their smiles melting into each other.


End file.
